Re: Thread of Minor Irritances Which Don't Require Their Own Thread

[Grainy]

And it graced my TV screen for the ENTIRE last sunday due to my whole familys strange love for it, to calm myself down I'll just post this picture of Rafa Benitez showing off his otherwordly skills:

[Disgraced]

only today did I have to tell off one of the girls I'm working with for singing that, this troubles me greatly.

[Tom]

i like how rafa has the ability to control the sky sports information bar and yet he cant muster up a decent challenge for the Premier League..

[Paulio]

This may seem like an odd thing to be irritated by but the format of giving your name and then your city in the media.

E.g. "On line one we have Laura from London"

Oooooooooh that Laura.

[Christophe]

Yes it does seem that surnames would be a more appropriate means of specification.

[Tom]

what would you prefer. "On line 1 we Sarah Jane Parkinson who is from 8 Lingfield Road , Darlington DN5 8AU" Because thats not only long winded but could open a whole new Hurricane of stalker...

[Christophe]

No. Just Sarah Parkinson would be fine, wouldn't it? It doesn't really matter where they're from. Unless of course, its actually relevant to the news story, for instance if when that plane crashed into those houses, they were talking to someone from the surrounding houses. Then tell us where you're from.

[Paulio]

I'd also in some cases go as far as saying even their name is irrelevant information to us.

Those internet pop ups which suddenly appear after you've been on a web page for five minutes and hide the close button so you can't get rid of them. Needless to say I will now never buy anything BT sells even if they ever manage do anything well.

[Tom]

THOSE TEACHER POP UP ON DROWNEDINSOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jesus they annoy the fuck out of me. sitting their minding my own business poissbly listening to nice music AND THEN.... "Hi! i always to be a teacher but..[enter irrelevent problem, here]

[Christophe]

Yes, those damn teacher adverts annoy me too, as too those horrible squeeky smiley faces of ultimateguitar.com.

[Paulio]

The horrific tacky decorations some people, by their own choice incredibly, decide to put on the outside of their houses declaring someone is 18 or 40 etc.

Bad beer.

People who believe god talks to them. Run just run.

The badges people in who work in shops have to wear declaring they have to check your age when you buy alcohol because "Its my job". Well actually it isn't your job. Your job is to take my money in exchange for goods not bother people about their age.

[Tom]

i always think that they are fairly bad at their job... i havn't been id in such a long time...and i dont think i look 21.

[Christophe]

I've been Id-ed once in vaguely recent times. Unfortunatley it was the very day I sent off my driving license to be replaced with a new pink shiny one. Fortunately, the woman wasn't very good at her job and accepted my uni card (which doesn't even have DOB on it) as proof that I was 18. FACT: my Dad went to university at age 17.

[Tom]

just how intelligent is Big Ron?

[Christophe]

Very.

[Paulio]

Why doesn't Big Ron run the country?

[Tom]

because someone of his intelligence could never run the country properly.. after failing to turn the place into a utopia he'll become bitter and find intelligent ways to torture and\or humiliate us.

[Christophe]

Because he'd ban meat-eating, and wouldn't let young people drive.

[Paulio]

It wouldn't matter. He would be our Chairman Mao. Our devotion to him will see past all flaws.

[Grainy]

Is it just me, or can you not take someone called 'Chairman Mao' seriously?

I see him as a little pussy cat sat on his throne playing with wool all day.

[Paulio]

I have to agree with you. Tis a shame he wasn't. Politics would be far better imho if it were a series of cute fluffy animals playing with objects in the environs of parliament.

I'd also like to add to the list of irritants people who talk about how they got drunk last night in a manner which a) suggests I should infer how intelligent they are and b) suggests the amount of more poison their body was able to consume than anyone else in some way makes them a superior human being.

[Tom]

so this is paul inducting students without actually inducting students in the fear that only grainy (providing he forgets how often he drinks on a night out) would agree with you if you did?

[Grainy]

What have I done now? I don't drink, never touched a drop.

[Grainy]

Don't ask why I'm posting this here, I just find a lot of this very true:

*** MAN RULES ***

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

16. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

18. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

[Disgraced]

i'm giggling because these apply to me much more than they do to most of the blokes i know.....

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